No Matter What Happens
by I Dream of Scotty
Summary: A oneshot set after the season 4 finale Stalker. Scotty goes to check on Lilly.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Cold Case.**

**No matter what happens**

It was 2.18 in the morning when Lilly Rush awoke from yet another bad dream. She sat up and glanced around her darkened bedroom, breathing heavily. As she took in her surroundings and started to calm down she lay back down in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She needed to talk to someone but the only person she trusted enough was the one person she didn't want to call. It was bad enough he had to see her so vulnerable in the first place. She glanced at the clock. He was probably asleep anyway. She sighed and inhaled deeply; trying to push aside the lingering fragments of the nightmare. She was tired but didn't dare close her eyes for fear of slipping back into that dark abyss.

It was another hour before she could no longer fight back the waves of sleep and she felt her eyes close, the last thing she on her mind was how she wished he was there with her to chase the demons away.

She woke up late the next morning, the sunlight streaming through the window rousing her from her slumber. Although she still felt tired, she was secretly glad that the light had chased the nightmare world away. She was on her way down to the kitchen to get herself a coffee, when she heard a knock at her front door. She froze, startled, not expecting any visitors.

Cautiously she walked over to the front door and opened it. Lilly was taken aback when she saw who it was.

"Hey," her partner and best friend, Scotty Valens greeted, a warm smile on his face.

"Hey," she said, "what are you doing here?"

"What, I can't visit my partner?" he grinned, but she could see concern in his eyes.

"You don't have to check up on me Scotty, I'm fine."

"I ain't checkin' up on you, just thought we could hang out?"

She invited him in. "I was just about to get some coffee, you want some?" she asked.

"Yeah, sounds good," he replied and sat down on her couch.

Lilly came back a little while later with 2 hot cups of coffee. She handed one to Scotty and sat down on the couch next to him.

"You look tired," he told her as he took a sip of his coffee.

"Didn't sleep well," she said, trying to brush it off and hoping Scotty would buy it.

"How long has this been going on – the nightmares?"

She looked up at him incredulously. How did he know? "What are you talking about?"

"Come on Lil, no offence but you've been looking like hell since you got back from the hospital. The shooting….things like that, it ain't easy to just push aside."

"I'm fine!" she told him firmly, "Been working on the case, that's what's keeping me up. There are no nightmares!"

There was silence between them for a few seconds before Scotty put his cup down on the coffee table and turned to face her. He took a deep breath. "I get them too, you know? Nightmares."

She looked at him, slightly shocked at this revelation.

"Some nights, all I can think about is you lying on the floor in observation, the bullet hole in your shoulder and your blood…on my shirt." He paused, gathering himself. "Sometimes….sometimes I dream it goes the other way…..I call out for someone to get the paramedics but…" he paused again, feeling the emotions threaten to take over him, "but you die, in my arms before they get there…" he trailed off.

"Scotty.." Lilly began but couldn't find the words to express how she felt at that moment. She had not idea that it had affected him so deeply.

He looked at her again, pain in his eyes, "I thought I was goin' to lose you Lil."

"I didn't know, Scotty, I'm sorry," she whispered.

"So don't tell me you don't have 'em too… 'cos I know better Rush. And you need to talk about it.."

"I can't Scotty," she said.

"You have to. You can't keep goin' on like this!"

"Like what, exactly?" she asked, feeling anger rising.

"Like this," he told her as he gestured around her dishevelled house. "This ain't you Lil. You come in to work so tired, you snap at me every time I ask if you're okay, you're tense and stressed – more stressed than I've ever seen you…"

Lilly wanted to shout at him, to just make him drop this uncomfortable subject which she just wanted to bury in a deep hole. But part of her, part of her wanted him to break through her barriers, to let her confide all the dark thoughts she'd been having. If anyone could understand her, it would be him. After what he'd been through – the death of Elisa. She opened her mouth to speak, but fear got the better of her. She stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"Lil," he called out to her, but she ignored him. "Lil!" He tried again, following her into the kitchen.

"Can we just drop this, Scotty?"

"No Lil, we can't. A thing like this…it eats away at ya. Takes you apart, piece by piece… I know."

Lilly could feel the tears forming in her eyes.

"Hey," Scotty said softly, moving towards her.

"It's there," she began quietly, "it's always there…when I close my eyes." She felt a tear trickle down her cheek.

Scotty put his hands on her arms and helped her into a chair.

"Everytime I close my eyes. Him, Marterson, standing there pointing a gun in my face. And one minute I'm trying to talk to him the next minute…" she struggled to fight back the tears, but was only partially successful.

"It's okay," he whispered to her, his hand on her shoulder.

"I never told you… what you did for me...I never got thank you"

"I'd do it again Lil, in a heart beat." He said softly.

She knew he meant what he said. Throughout the entire time that they had worked together he had always been there for her. "That means a lot to me Scotty." She told him.

He gently wiped a tear away from her face.

"I thought…..I thought I was going to die there in observation." Lilly managed a small smirk at the thought, "you know how they say that when you're dying, your whole life flashes before your eyes?"

"Yeah,"

"It's kinda true, I thought about my mum and all the hell she put me and Chris through. I thought about everything I'd done in Homicide, all the cases we've closed all the people we've given peace to. But you know what was the one thing that kept going through my mind as they wheeled me into the hospital?"

"What?" Scotty asked, his eyes focused intensely on her.

"When they were asking me who they should call… I couldn't think of anyone. No family, I felt so alone. But then suddenly the only thing I could think about…was the image of you, behind that glass…you were there for me, Scotty. And I can't tell you how much that means…" she couldn't say anymore. She didn't like him seeing her like this. She was the Ice Queen of Homicide. She didn't want anyone to see her weak like this, especially her partner.

"You didn't think I'd just leave you?" Scotty asked, taking her hand. "I would never let it go down like that. I couldn't Lil, I just couldn't." He took a breath, "remember when your mother died, I told you I would be there for you, if you needed me? I always will. We're partners right?" He playfully punched her arm and smiled.

Lilly smiled back at him, "right."

"And more than that, we're friends."

Lilly took his hand, "friends."

"No matter what." Scotty told her, "I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you."

Lilly looked at him for a while, taking in the moment. She has never felt so happy and so at peace in her entire life and she knew then and there that no matter what life threw at her, she would always have someone she could call.


End file.
